8 Weeks Down, 8 to Go

Finally, the first eight weeks of the semester are done! This is a big point in my semester. I've finished teaching 2 of my 4 eight-week classes at Hawkeye and my 1 eight-week online class for UNI has ended as well. This means I'm down to just teaching 3 at Hawkeye and 2 for Allen. It's been a good first part of the semester, and I've had quite a few memorable moments with students and faculty at all places. However, I'm glad to see the semester progressing and am looking forward to these last eight weeks because that means after these next eight, it's semester break. Of course, with semester break comes spring semester which means that summer vacation is getting closer all the time.

An Interesting Paper Topic

(Note to Uncle Roger: I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while!  Things got a bit busy.)

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading through and commenting on students' drafts when I came upon a topic I can easily say I've never seen before in a student paper. Now that's a pretty amazing feat considering I've been at this teaching gig for a little over a decade now.  "What was the topic?" you ask. Well...prepare yourself.  Here is an excerpt from a paragraph:

"First you need to get a dead raccoon. Next, you will lift the raccoon up and tie twine around the left ankle. Then you need to loop the other end of the twine around a branch at a comfortable working height for you. After that, you then tie the loose end of the twine on the right ankle of the raccoon. You have successfully hung your raccoon for the skinning process."

Yes, dear readers, this student wrote his process paper on how to actually take the skin off of a raccoon. You can imagine my shock when I read the first few lines. I guess one good thing I can say about it is that his description was pretty good and his sense of process was easy to follow though I did have to look away a few times while reading in order to save myself from passing out/crying/vomiting/all of the above. The worst part was when he wrote about cutting the skin off by the nose. Oh Lord, help me!

As you know, I'm no hunter, I never have been and I never will be. That doesn't mean I think others shouldn't; it's just not my thing, but please, please, please if you are a hunter, do not write a paper about killing, skinning, etc. I just can't take it!

I do have to say this student did a good job of writing about what he knew, and if I had any inclination to indeed skin a dead raccoon, I'm sure his paper would have made the process easier to undertake. LIke a good teacher, I always do my best to find some way to provide a positive comment for each student's paper. Needless to say, this was one presented the biggest challenge in that department.

Can I Leave Class Part II

Today, the same student from the last post came up to me at the beginning of class and asked if he could leave our class to go make up a test from a different class. Seriously?  I just said, "Go." Then I marked him absent. I wonder if he'll even know why...

Can I Leave Class?

I just had a conversation with a student a few minutes ago about his attitude in class. Today, yet again, he has decided that texting on his cell phone during class is far more important than anything we are doing and that asking me at the beginning of every single class if we are doing "anything" today and if he can leave is what a college student should do.  Apparently calling him out in class on it does nothing, so we had a nice conversation in the hall after letting the class go for the day.

This conversation reminded me quite a bit of the "I left my bag in class so I was there" student from a week or so ago. Somebody...please tell me that today's 20-something-year-olds are really not this dense.

Me: "So, what's going on?"

Student: "Nothing."

Me: "Obviously. So what's the deal with the cell phone, again?"

Student: "What about it?"

Me: "You being on it. Remember the first day of class? The syllabus? All that conversation about why you should not be on your phone or if you need to be on your phone that you should leave."

Student: "But if I leave, then I won't get the assignment."

Me: "Yeah, but if you stay, you aren't paying attention and are still not getting the assignment, so why be here?

Student: "Because you said I had to."

Me: "I never said you had to. In fact, I made a special point about telling you to leave when you asked me if you had to be here. Yet you stayed and then proceeded to be as rude as humanly possible with your comments and your phone. In fact, I want you to leave. I don't want this attitude in class. Your bad attitude affects my attitude which in turn make me not want to be here."

Student: "I would never disrespect you. You're a doctor. You know what you're talking about."

Me: "Really? I don't think you do know what I'm talking about considering I've had this conversation with you more than once. So why are you on the phone?"

Student: "I get bored. I just want to turn in my assignment and leave."

Me: "So do it. No one is making you stay. You're an adult. I'm not babysitting you. If you want to be that kind of student, do it. But don't expect to get points or the homework assignment for not being there, and you better not ever ask me if you can leave again. Just do it. In fact, I'd prefer it."

Student: "I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I just don't see why I have to stay if I've turned in my assignment."

Me: "You don't have to stay. No one is making you. But why didn't you take this as an online class when it's very apparent to me that you have no desire to be in this class. And don't tell me you do want to be here because someone who asks if they can leave all the time clearly doesn't."

Student: "I like class. I just don't want to have to stay."

Me: "Then don't stay. It's your choice."

Student: "But you said I have to."

Me: "I'm not sure how to make this more clear to you: you do NOT have to be here! You are an adult and it's your CHOICE to be here."

Student: "Okay, I'll be better. I just won't bring my cell phone at all to class."

Me: ...sigh...

Honorary Sideline Coach...Me?

I received quite an interesting email just a moment ago. Here it is (names removed to protect the ever-so-guilty):

Dear Marcea,

My name is --- and I am a student assistant in Athletics Academic Services and in charge of organizing the Honorary Sideline Coach (HSC) program. We have taken nominations, and you have been nominated as an Honorary Sideline Coach by --- on the Soccer team!

As you know, we are in the midst of another exciting soccer season, and I am happy to extend to you an invitation to experience the excitement first hand as an HSC. This program provides a unique experience for our faculty to be with the team and participate in team activities on the day of the competition. The selection of the faculty to participate comes directly from our student athletes. Your name was submitted by --- because you have positively impacted her experience at UNI.

Umm...Honorary Sideline Coach? Did I miss something? What is this? Somebody please tell me. I am the least athletic or sports-minded person I know. And why have I never heard of anything like this before?  I am teaching a class at UNI on how to teach grammar to K-8 students and I do have one student who is on the soccer team. So this must have to do with her. Dang her for getting me involved! What the heck?

Essentially though, aside from the fact that I have no idea what an Honorary Sideline Coach is or does, here's my quandary -- the class I'm teaching is only a 1 credit hour course, and it's ONLINE!!!  I don't even know these students and they don't know me. I have no clue what they look like or sound like. I know them only from a few keystrokes every week.  As instructor-students, we've interacted a handful of times on our course website, and in terms of this soccer student, I've only corresponded with her via email once or twice. So how in the world could she have nominated me, ME!, to be such a thing?

I suppose I should be honored. Right? After all, it is an HONORARY title.  Or should I be suspicious? Is this some new type of student-instructor hazing?  Will I show up only and be the only one there? Or will I arrive in the midst of some "under-the-cloak-of-darkness" hazing ritual where they demand that I drink beer upside down, build a pyramid out of aluminum cans, and then sprint over hot coals just to get back to my car? (And then end up on someone's Facebook page, naturally.)

Then again, maybe this actually is a good thing -- a fine, upstanding, university-sanctioned event. Perhaps I will get a free T-Shirt or perhaps some pom poms to wave. Maybe all I have to do is show up and I'll be treated as "queen for a day," er "coach for a day." Maybe I can even ask for an official whistle and megaphone!

If I do decide to go, I just hope they wouldn't expect much, especially not (Heaven forbid) coaching!

Rescue Cats? I Don't Think So.

Five years of teaching full time at HCC and I can't believe I still have trouble adjusting to going back to work after the summer. No, I didn't teach on campus this summer, but I did teach two online classes and do a lot of traveling so it's not like I was totally a bum. The worst part of it is that this is like the easiest semester I've had since I started there!

For starters, I am only teaching 5 classes at HCC. The past 4 fall semesters that I've been there, I've had an overload for a total of 6 classes, and usually, that means 6 classes that run for 16 weeks.  This time, I have 5 classes, and 4 of them are 8-week classes, which means I am really only teaching 3 classes at one time. How awesome is that?!?! PLUS...my schedule is so sweet this semester that I am only teaching 4 days a week...yeah, seriously...4 days! I don't have to teach on Fridays for the first time in...well...EVER!

So why, am I so exhausted all the time when I come home? Today, I was done with class at 2:15 -- I stayed until 2:30 to help a student. Then I went back to my office and sat there for a minute thinking of what I should do. After about a minute and two seconds, I decided to go home. Yeah, that's right! I went home! Why? Because I could! I was technically done for the day. So home, I went.

"What did I do at home?" you ask. Exercise? No. Grade papers? No. Load the dishwasher? No. Plop down on the couch and turn on the TV? Yes! I was excited to find Haunted Collector on and was settling into a lazy hour or so before Dr. Phil came on when before I knew it, I was out like a light. Completely, totally, unconsciously asleep. Apparently my phone rang twice and I got two text messages during this time. Keep in mind that the phone was on the arm of the couch directly above my head. Did I hear it? No. Might it have been important? Yes.

Sadly, one of those calls and one of those texts came from Ken, who was stuck at work because the poor chap locked his keys in the car. My fault? No...but I guess I should have been available to go get the guy. Thankfully, he kept calling and I finally woke up. Then, of course, I had to drive to the JD Northeast site in my barely awake stupor.

Thankfully, the house was not on fire. Had the fire alarm gone off, I probably wouldn't have heard it, and I doubt any one of our 3 cats would have been as heroic as those dogs you see on TV rescuing their owners when they are passed out.  Of course, they have no trouble walking all over me and biting me in the face at 3:00 a.m. when they want to be fed, but bother to do a little thing like wake me up in the face of a life-threatening fire or an urgent phone call, no. Thanks, cats.

And so the adjustment to a fall work schedule continues. Hopefully, for myself and the sake of those who may ultimately depend on me to save them by driving spare car keys across town, I will get into this routine and the nap times will either become less frequent or less comatose in nature.

Conversation with a Student

The following conversation took place in the hallway outside my office between 11:45 a.m.-12:00 p.m. today. 

Student: "Mrs. --- is so unfair! She counted me absent today but I was there."

Me: "Why would she count you absent if you were there?"

Student: "I got there early and put my stuff in the classroom. Then I had to run to Financial Aid to do something. When I came back she wouldn't let me sign the attendance sheet."

Me: "How long were you gone?"

Student: " Five minutes."

Me: "Five minutes? Really?

Student: "Maybe a little longer.

Me: "Like what?"

Student: "I got there at 9:30"

Me: "Class started at 9, right? You missed 30 minutes out of a 75 minute class?"

Student: "Yeah."

Me: "So you missed almost the whole first part of class?"

Student: "Yeah."

Me: "You think you should get full credit for that?"

Student: "Yeah. I left my stuff in there, so she knew I was coming back."

Me: "You just left your stuff in there? Dropping your things in there doesn't mean you were there. Your backpack could get credit, but you can't."

Student: "You don't know what I'm sayin'..."

Me: "Yeah, I do. You're sayin' you weren't there, but your backpack was and you're mad that you won't get counted as attending when you weren't actually attending."

Student: "I'm going to complain to my adviser. He's a Dean and he will tell her how things are supposed to be and take care of me. He'll make her add me."

Me: "But you weren't in class the whole time."

Student: "So?"

Me: "So, why should you get full credit for not being there?"

Student: "Uh..."

Me: "Is this going to affect your grade in the class?"

Student: "No."

Me: "So what's the big deal?"

Student: "She can't do that to me."

Me: "What do you mean 'she can't'? She's the teacher. Those are her rules. So, really, you're just mad that you didn't get your way."

Student: "Yeah, well, I guess. So does that mean I shouldn't tell my advisor?"

---

Afterthought:  In my 12 years of college, I don't recall having a lesson or class called, "Dealing with Students' Ever-Changing Perceptions of Reality." 

---

Later, I delighted in this imaginary conversation I could have with my boss...

Boss: "Where were you yesterday? We didn't see you around and you didn't tell us you were going to be gone."

Me: "Oh, I was there. When I got there, I turned the light on in my office and left my bag. Then I had to go to the grocery store to get something for dinner, then take the cats to the vet, and then go home and mow my lawn. But I was there because I left my stuff there."

Boss: "Oh, ok. I guess as long as you dropped your stuff off you should still get paid the full amount for the day even though you completed no work, contributed nothing to the school, and were, in fact, in no way shape or form, where you were supposed to be."

Me: "Yup."